Saturday 17 December 2011

writers block

At one time I wrote songs reasonably regularly. If ever I sit down to do it these days I tend to draw a blank. The problem isn't the music but the words. When I look at my attempt they seemtrite or contrived. Could it be that in our increasingly sophisticated world, everything is more difficult to do. Look at the 60's the age of the Beatles and veiw some of their hit lyrics:

She loves you yeah yeah yeah, she loves you yeak yeah yeah, she loves you yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Deep.

Christian songwriters try and avoid the - Jesus died on the cross, to take away our loss thing and do something a bit more creative and come up with stuff like - "Healing rain in falling down, it's coming closer to this old town" hmmm.

It seems to me that the safest way is to find a song that's already been written from the bible, say a psalm and put it to music or else work from a passage, at least the source material would be goo.

I think that's what I'll do, let you know how I get on.

Saturday 3 December 2011

Brotherly Love

I have been thinking lately about the importance of friendship. These are days when commodities increase, those things with a shelf life that we use and discard. Heaven forbid that people should become commoditised; in other words assimilated when of use and thrown away when we judge they have served their purpose. Love becoming a shop window experience rather than commitment of the heart. Callous or not we sometimes see another person as a stepping stone to achieving our goal, someone who we can tread on, albeit ever so gently, in order to attain our purpose.

The remedy for this is true friendship, relationships based not on what a person can do for us but upon who they are. Friendships like this are costly, for no two of us are alike and we have to work at synergy; sacrificing parts of ourselves in order that we may fit better with the other person. This is not about romance, although romance and friendship together can lead to love, it is about brotherhood (call that sisterhood if you like).

In the same way that we can be religious and keep God out of our lives so too we can be social without friends because life does not exist in the outward things but in the heart. Salvation will always be free but walking with God is costly, as is walking with brothers. We would never say that half an hour with God is wasted especially when we have fought our distractions to bring it about in the same way half an hour of "wasted" time with our friend is in fact time very well spent.

Friday 18 November 2011

Back on track?

Today I went for a two mile run. The first since 7th October. 2 miles six months ago would have seemed like nothing, a walk in the park. My diary earlier in the year shows 6 miles 7 miles 8 miles 10 miles even 11 miles on one occasion. I am grateful that I managed 2 miles and have not shown signs of the symptoms that laid me low earlier this year. Everything is relative. The life that we are given is not to be wasted. I appreciate being able to feel the joy of a relatively healthy body . One day I won't be able to do this stuff.

I am so blessed.

Monday 24 October 2011

Second guessing God

What is prophecy? I guess you would say it is bringing a word from God. That's serious. Many people have brought prophetic words to me but they were not all from God, or at least they did not all come to pass, so either they were not from God or I failed in some way so they could not come to pass. Prophesy is not an exact science it would seem. I remember a guy who was baptised at Bugbrooke Chapel in the seventies and when he came up out of the water he was encouraged to prophesy. I remember it clearly, or at least parts of it. He said something along these lines "do you think I would let my people suffer says the Lord?" I am not commenting on the validity of this guy's baptism but if that prophecy was from God then he isn't the God I know. Suffering seems to be part of the package, in fact Jesus says blessed are those who are persecuted for my sake. One example of a duff prophecy. Why am I saying this? I guess it has to do with the building we had lined up for the Jesus Centre in Birmingham. We were reasonably sure God had given it to us, then someone comes and buys it from under our noses. Apart from this blokes business going belly up, it's back to the drawing board for us. Was God wrong? Did the devil win? No to both. Having wrestled it through a bit this is the conclusion I have come to. I don't really know but I'm not giving up.

Sunday 2 October 2011

The Silencing of The Word

You speak, your tongue unleashed, a two edged sword
Cutting, freeing, commanding, exposing the heart, loving.
You are the word
You scythe through the complacency of pharisee and sinner alike
Revealing the innermost thoughts of the heart.

When vocalised, your identity weighs heavy
A rock on which men fall,or are crushed to pieces
It turns saints into sinners and sinners into saints,
Water to wine, sickness to health, storm into calm.
It offends the dignity of those who love,
The control they gain from the power of the command set in stone.

They took the word and the word became silent,
The tongue sheathed.
As a lamb before its shearers is dumb.
Seperated from its expression the body of the word was riduculed and mocked
Those who did so becoming emboldened, believing
That the Christ would not perform a final Samson - like act of strength
Which would bring their house down on their heads.
The word spoke but briefly, comfort for a dying man
"Today you will be with me in paradise".
And with the silencing of the word,
Where tongue and lips were frozen in death the citadel of the law,
Was torn asunder.

He Rose

The word on a white horse from his mouth a two edged sword
On his hand and on his thigh written "King of Kings and Lord of Lords"
The name of the word - Jesus
His power in his his name,
Angels and men before it fall and devils fear and fly
Eternally alive.

Friday 26 August 2011

In sickness and in health

This is not about marriage its about sickness and health. Just recently I have got bashed by a virus and then it was followed up by an infection. Several days off work and when I did go in lethargic and fatigued. I am taking anti biotics now which have started to attack the infection plus killoff loads of useful bacteria but hey, I'm fed up with it now. Having said that I have noticed something. My spiritual life has taken an upward turn whilst I am dragging my body about. If you have seen my last blog on prayer you may question that, but the fact remains that I feel spiritually clearer if that makes any sense. "Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed daily", Seems to me that the inner nature responds well to the bashings the outer nature receives. I have often had profound things happen to me whilst I have been ill. Sickness and health go hand in hand each blow of sickness on the outer man weakens the barrier that keeps the inner man from communion with God. The coming of health seems to reinforce the outer nature and that sense of closeness to God lessens. Lets hope the effects of sickness cause permanent change, I like feeling well but I also like being close to God.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Prayer

I have been a Christian for yonks but it occurred to me whilst driving to work this morning that I don't really know how to pray. Better qualify that. I can pray for people in a response time in a meeting and it seems to work relatively well, good results quite often. I mean particularly praying for a person when they aren't there. Apart from the Lord's prayer, the part about "this kind only comes out through prayer and fasting" and that bit about agreement (and we say prayer agreement Jesus didn't) there isn't that much to go on. It seems they didn't have regular intercession in the new testament or if they did it didn't get a mention.

Anyway, I am driving to work and I start trying to pray for someone I know who has a difficulty. I think I can diagnose that difficulty as having its root in the fact that that person has never really felt loved, by God or anyone else for that matter. I say "lord this person needs a revelation of your love" that's it. What do I do now after a five second request. It's over, finished, done, no agonising no groaning no burden carrying. I cannot conjour up those things. I wonder if anyone else has this dilemma? "professional" prayers tend to do my head in a bit, there is this kind of mystique attached to it all. I've read Rees Howells - Intercessor, I have heard about carrying the burden and all that but one wonders if God creates the method to suit the person rather than the other way round. Maybe for me the five second burst of "please sort it out Lord" is all he thinks I can cope with but I must admit (not that this should the aim of my praying for others) it leaves me somewhat discontented.

Monday 15 August 2011

Tatoo Covenant

Coming back from the optitians just now I noticed a woman at a bus stop with a large tatoo on her upper arm. I was not close enough to see what it depicted but it set me thinking about the whole tatoo thing.
 We live in an age where most things are temporary, even the things that are supposed to be permanent like marriage for example. Almost everything is reversible. Why is it then that the practice of doing something to your body which is going to go with you to the grave is so popular? Life goes on, the tatoo remains after the relationship has ended and after the skin has aged to an extent where it no longer looks really cool. The tatoo has become the most permanent thing, yeah they can be removed I gues but all you are left with is a space where a tatoo has obviously been you can't reverse the fact.

The truth is that a high percentage of people who have tatoos will keep them for the rest of theirs lives, that's got to be the highest level of committment on the planet. Pity it isn't for something worthwhile.

Monday 18 July 2011

Keep on Running

Today my years tally of miles run went to 312, equivilent to about 50 hours. I guess an avid TV watcher could spend that time looking at "the box" in about a fortnight, an obsessive gamer in about 4 days so in the big scheme of things it isn't that much. I think, however, that there are some good lessons to be learned from running which can be transferred into life. I don't know if T.V. watching and gaming could claim the same. It seems to me that these things replace life rather than contribute to it. What are these lessons?.
1. Starting is the biggest challenge. 2. Not giving up is the next biggest. 3. Doing it reapeatedly improves the health. 4. Practice improves the performance. 5. After a relatively short time of inactivity you lose what you have gained.
I reckon you could apply that to prayer in the spiritual realm, or keeping your house clean in the natural. That 50 hours running has affected my life 24/7, the next step must be more disciplined prayer. Who knows what that may accomplish?

Saturday 16 July 2011

Silence and quietness

It has been a long time since I have written anything in this blog. put is down to busyness or distraction. I started one but the computer "froze" and I lost it, that was a couple of weeks ago. One of the guys who has come to live in community with us is really into words. He will sometimes ask what a word means, not a long complex word but a pretty everyday one. Always it makes me think, "yes what does it mean?"

Take the two words at the top for example. They mean the same thing don't they? Not when you start to think about it, they can be used to say the same thing but that is a different thing. Is not one of the beauties of language the fact that nuances exist. Silence is the absence of sound. To me it can carry the air of menace "what is there hiding from me waiting to burst in". Quietness is a state. A quiet man is not always silent but he is never loud.

Enough! What else has been going on? Well I have recognised more traits of the middle aged in my personality. When you regularly talk about the old days and berate the young it means that you are into the world of Victor Meldrew (who?),  in other words in danger of becoming a miserable old git. What stops me going going too far down that road is the fact that I have no desire to become old. Maturity has it's pluses, for example for some reason I can get up in the mornings now when I want to. (That laying in bed thing that young people do isn't laziness you know, they are actually incapable of fighting their way out from under the covers). When I became able to get out of bed in the morning, when I ceased to be the object of critical "vibes" from those who had been impatiently waiting for me, I thought it was a miracle; it certainly took the heat off me. The under 40's have this to look forward to (I was about 40 when it happened). It isn't all bad.

Saturday 2 July 2011

God's foot in the door.

Having tried unsuccessfully to publish a blog the other day I thought I would try again. It has been quite a few weeks since I have published anything. the other morning I was waiting to go to work whilst my passenger was praying with someone. Ever impatient to get on the move I was thinking "come on, come on" when I sensed that there was a restraint upon me. God "had his foot in the door" and I needed to wait patiently until he was ready for me to close it and get on with my day. That image has stayed with me most of the week, after all how important is what I have got to do compared with God's business?

A couple of nights ago I could not sleep so I came downstairs about 1am and had something to eat. I then came into the room where I am now and had a look on the bookshelves. Then I went back to bed without selecting a book. What are books for anyway? Because we are a Christian house a lot of the books are faith based, or biographies of people who did great things for God. I love reading but in the big picture aren't books simply a waste of time? People blame television for the breakdown of society but aren't books just a more primitive form of the same thing? A way of keeping us apart. At least you can have more than one person watching the same T.V. programme! Of the making of many books there is no end. isn't it by living that we learn? I am not advocating the abolition of books but I reckon there could be a few too many.

Thursday 9 June 2011

The in - between place

This morning on the way to work I was pondering on the Bryn Haworth song "What kind of love is this?".
What kind of love is this? That gave itself for me
I am the guilty one yet I go free
What kind of love is this, a love I'd never known
I didn't even know his name, what kind of love is this?"

Words like "guilty" caused me to start thinking about sin. What is sin? An action that affects others or ourselves or God in a negative way. Falling short of the standard. Falling short of the standard evokes the sense of being in the wrong place, failing, not reaching the mark. Just imagine then that there are two shaded areas on a piece of paper, one shaded say red for sin, one gold for righteousness. The areas are adjacent. Now lets consider the part that divides the two: Is it a gradual fade from one colour to the next, is it a line, or is it an area of blankness? I think the fundamentalists would say "It's a line, you are either in one thing or the other". The liberals would say "well it's a fade in, a bit of one colour and a bit of the next". I don't know who would opt for a blank space - moderates maybe. In the book of Revelation it talks about the lukewarm ones, neither cold or hot. Did they, do they inhabit the space in between, being neither sinful nor righteous, playing safe and yet being spewed out of God's mouth?

This is what I think, it may be heretical but it's honest. The two shaded areas and the space exist within all of our lives. I believe that those whom have taken advantage of the free gift of God through Jesus Christ have been gifted, not with the anihilation of the sinful area but the ability to choose not to inhabit it, but rather to live in the Golden area of righteousness. I guess that involves a bit of training of our will. We live in the space between when because of ambivalence or passivity we do not settle for either of the other two. It's an expanse of nothingness. The more we inhabit it the bigger it becomes until disenterested and unmotivated it sucks us fully in and we become nothing. Is that Hell?

Tuesday 31 May 2011

Curve balls

I think this is a baseball expression for a ball that deceives you and get you out, rather like the inswinging yorker in cricket. It has been a week of such deliveries. Hearing that my mother had fallen down and broken her leg last Wednesday was a case in point. I guess it didn't get us "out" but it was pretty testing. Us humans have a great ability to compartmentalise, I was on a course during the day and was able to focus well. As soon as it was over I became emotional. Mum is 88 not out at present and I at least was looking for something approaching a century. Actually she sailed through the operation, is walking again and could be out of hospital by Friday. All the more minor things that have happened since then have not resulted in disaster either. Praise God.

Thursday 12 May 2011

Keeping it simple

I am tidying up around my desk today. I have worked in office environments most of my working life. Here are a few tips I would like to pass on.
1. Don't hang on to stuff you dont need; don't accumulate more. The thought that something may come in useful sometimes stops me throwing it away. I will now open one of my desk drawers and share the contents with you:
Sony 5V A.C. adaptor (don't know what it is for). Pair of gardening gloves. Small jar of tiger balm. Pack of blu tac. 3 musical cigarette lighters. 23 AA batteries. 3 AAA Batteries. 38mm (obsolete) table tennis ball. Halogen light bulb (bayonet fitting). Elastic wrist support. Several red biros. Assorted sticky labels (3 kinds) Small note book. Jotting pad. Several miscellaneous keys.Tube of all purpose adhesive. Several plastic coin bags. Ruler. Box of staples. Bike cable lock with no key. Various screws and bolts.2 packs from training I have been on.Jesus army red cross. Coventry benefits advice line coaster.Some post - it notes. 2 pieces of string. This is only a small drawer! I will be sorting it out, promise.
2. Don't worry about throwing stuff away (I really do this, honest). many years ago I worked in a job where the person before me had allowed a lot of queries to build up. After a few months I threw the whole lot away. I never had any come back. The important stuff was simply chased again.
3. Don't keep a master copy folder of forms. Print them from the computer as you need them, you will invariably do this anyway and then have a load of forms gathering dust.
4. Keep desk space as clear as you can.


If you think my drawer contents are a bit weird, try looking in yours!

Monday 9 May 2011

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Nothing to do with the David Bowie song although the stutter (maybe inspired by the Who's "My Generation") is typical of the way changes happens, not smoothly but with several false starts. Change does not come with synchro - mesh. (You won't know what that is if you are under about 50). Anyway where was I?
At the moment my catch phrase is "It's the end of the world as we know it".  Laurence and his merry men are arriving to live at the Anchorage seriously lowering the average age. Added to that it looks like a building for our Jesus Centre will be purchased imminently. Double Whammy.

How do I feel about that? Ok really.  I am looking forward to it. Will I have learned to be content in whatever state I find myself? We'll see.

Tuesday 3 May 2011

Falling in Love

Speaking to someone who is going through this experience is interesting. The sense of euphoria that they feel tends to mean that you can say things to them which in the normal run of things would cause a strong reaction and they will just receive it with a smile. Trying to get them to slow down is a different matter. "I have got to have this person now" is their vibe. I have heard it said that falling in love is akin to a mental illness. Does it have any value? Apart from being the subject of millions of songs thus providing an important source of income to many people, that is?

Speaking for myself I think that is a worthwhile experience and often a great feeling but I think that being in love with a person and loving them are two different things. Being in love is about the person experiencing it, loving someone is about them, the two may not be mutually compatible. being "in love" can be about possession, love is much more about what is best for the other person. I remember when I realised that in my own case, when my wishes for the other person's wellbeing and happiness conquered my desire to possess them, the realisation that maybe I was not essential to her happiness, in fact that I could be a hindrance. At that point I released her and gave her permission to end the relationship at any time. What would have happened if I hadn't said that I don't know; as it is we got married.

Falling in love is human, I don't think there is anything wrong with that and even if I did it would not stop it happening. Love is of God. To make the transition from the one to the other was with  me nothing short of a miracle.

So I'm not knocking falling in love, it's got some good bits like romance, can stick around for ever. It is not recommended to use heavy machinery whilst it is happening though.

Saturday 23 April 2011

Bank Holiday weekend and Martin Jamieson

This weekend some of us from Anchorage are camping out at Bugbrooke Chapel during the alive weekend. Guys downstairs in the Chapel itself, ladies in the upper room. That takes me back to when I was about 16 or 17 and I was going with a group of other young people to the lake district. For some reason we stayed overnight in a Church hall in London (I was living in the south of England at the time). Lads were one end of this hall, girls the other with a generous number of responsible adults to make sure there was no hanky panky. Sleeping on the floor has never been conducive to restful nights and the floor was making aggressive moves towards my hip bone. I was next to my friend Jamie. Suddenly in the half light we saw a sleeping bag from the girls side kind of wriggling across the room. It was one of the girls who had taken a fancy to my friend. I think that she thought people would think she was sleep rolling. When she was a few yards away, Jamie said "I'm off" and headed towadrs the toilets. I sat up and said to the girl "we have been watching your progress with interest". Then an adult intervened and that was that fun over. I do not expect we shall have anything like that level of excitement at the chapel. i wonder if the girl (who would now be mid 50's) remembers it with embarrassment. Jamie has changed his name (no connection!) still in touch.

Thursday 21 April 2011

Summer days

The winter is a distant memory and everything is warming up. I am not one of those people who get all excited about summer but at the moment the weather is conducive to feelings of wellbeing. The garden is lovely. We had a barbeque this evening and the children were playing together on the lawn. Maybe life is not so gloomy after all. Summer is the season of fruit and hope perhaps April is spring still. If so it's good.

Monday 18 April 2011

The right timing.

Last week Debbie and I went to see my Uncle and his family on their small holding in Kent. I remember with fondness visiting as a child and it is good to see that it hasn't changed much, still quite a "Darling buds of May" flavour. Today I recalled an incident which happened when I visited many years ago. My Uncle has always been good with cattle, taking various prizes at shows up and down the country. One day I was with him in the pasture and he was inspecting a particular animal. This animal had a lump on it. This was caused by a fly larvae which had I believe been licked off its legs by the aminal. My uncle got this out by prodding and pinching and then crushed it.

I may have remembered some details wrongly but that was the gist. It strikes me that sometimes life mirrors the Botfly scenario, you've got to wait until things come to a head before you deal with them.I guess even when you take precautions the odd egg gets swallowed, a foreign body at large. But waiting and watching can lead to it being sorted.

Friday 1 April 2011

Other people's choices

One of the difficult areas of my life is the amount of control I have over others. The whole area of responsibility is a major issue. If I take responsibility for another person it can mean that they cease to take responsibility for themselves, then when I try to return responsibility to them they can blame me for the situation they are in, wheras if I took no responsibility in the first place I would have had no problem apart from maybe a failure to show any compassion.
People I care about make choices which affect others whom I also care about. Although in an ideal world one should not be judgemental I find myself making judgement calls and choices which mean that nobody wins and one or more people ends up hating me, or feeling that I hate them, because I have taken responsibility.

I guess that it is better to attempt to love and care and be disappointed than to be hard and callous.

Thursday 31 March 2011

My ideal job

The thing I like doing more than anything else is helping people practically doing little jobs or transporting furniture or whatever and giving help freely. I am very fortunate that I get the opportunity to do this in my day job. The other day for example we had some bedroom furniture donated. We took it to a girl's flat and the following day when my wife was at work we went to her flat and arranged it (she was away, but knew we were going). It was in many ways uneccessary, she could have coped without but the feeling of just giving to someone over and above what could be expected and without any anticipation of reward is great.


Is this then some kind of self gratification trip masquerading as benevolence. I don't think so.
Abundant giving for no reason with no visible reward, sometimes anonymously is recommended by Jesus nd it certainly fits the bill for me. My ideal job title. helper of others. I would like there to be no paperwork involved though. Selfish? Probably.

Tuesday 29 March 2011

Miracles

Most days I get at least one text message from someone I have met a couple of times. He is wheelchair bound and has some mental health problems. He phoned me today and spoke about feeling fear. I prayed with him over the phone. Do I believe he is going to get better? I don't know, what I do know that it's not impossible with God. I would like to see him healed, in fact there are loads of people I know trapped in addictions, spiritual blindnesses, negativity, laziness, hatred, greed, indifference who I would love to see finding healing, and I know God can do it. My prayer is this

Lord teach me to pray effective prayers.

Wednesday 16 March 2011

answers to prayer

Wednesday evening and I am at someones house for a cell group meeting. Only two of us present have English as our first language the other six are Farsi speakers. This is pretty common for me. We sing some songs and people pray some in english, some in farsi. I feel alost as if the barrier between us is tangible; they call it the language barrier and it is an accurate description. I cannot get through to these people, they cannot get through to me.

It's pretty frustrating, I wonder if they feel the same. So I sit and I pray. Lord I want to be able to engage with these people! I don't know if desperate would describe the way I feel but at the best I am pretty fed up.

Then in that oblique way that prayers often get answered, something happens seemingly randomly. The other English speaker kind of gets hold of the wrong end of the stick and we are all at cross purposes but out of it, one Iranian guy starts to share, about how he and his wife were unable to have children then they prayed and now they have a baby. All of a sudden we are on the level, a confidence has been shared, a testimony given. As I sit here in front of the computer after getting home I thank God. He's done it again.

Sunday 13 March 2011

The idea of perfection

Continuous improvement is one of those methods of getting more out of yourself change one small thing a day and by the end of the year there will have been a massive improvement. But do we need to change, are we not Ok the way we are? Shock, horror; you can't say that! There is nothing wrong with wanting to be better but there is everything wrong with not being satisfied with the way we are, swayed by the media or peer pressure into being discontented about yourself when there is not a lot wrong in the first place.

A.W. Tozer put it like this: "Apart from sin, we have nothing to be ashamed of"

The cult of change has got a hold of the world, faster better, thinner, cleverer, richer, newer, the latest thing. Yesterday's improvements swell the landfill and noone is any happier.

Look at the Church. The Bride of Christ, the Apple of God's eye, the Zenith of his creation. Is it perfect? No you say, it is being perfected, perfection is in the future. Is it? How then does God find ways to move through this shambles? If the Church is an engine has God got all the pieces laid out on the ground before him scratching his head about how to fix it, or is it together, chugging away, going places making a difference? Of course it is. That component going round and round, limited, one dimensional is never going to go up and down but hey, here is another limited component that does just that. Good eh? The Church is working, maybe it is leaking a bit of oil, maybe it is a bit cranky (you'd better believe it!) but it keeps on keeping on. Let's not tear it apart. God knows

He loves it, so do I warts and all. Some of those warts are mine.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Sweet Poison

Periodically through my life this question has come up: "What is happening to my body?" I remember noticing for the first time, hair growing on my toes and feeling a vague sense of disgust when I was about 11, this was followed by more alarming changes through my teenage years. Spots was a major issue for most of that time. Then there was my height; when I was about 13 everyone else in my School Class had outgrown me, I didn't make five feet until I was 15. Then by 18 I was the height I am now (give or take a bit for possible shrinkage recently). Now I look in the mirror and wonder who that middle aged bloke staring out at me is.

As I have recorded on this blog before I have recently changed my diet in response to rising cholesterol levels, cut out, or at least drastically reduced my cheese intake, massively increased my porridge intake, cut down the consumption of sweet things. My body has responded in various ways. For a start I have lost weight coming in at 11 stone or just under. That has made quite a bit of difference, involving the possible demise of some of my favourite (but far to baggy) clothes and a noticable improvement in stamina.

What has also happened is that when I do indulge in the more junk like foods, very sweet things etc. my body really does not respond well. It is a bit like putting dirty fuel in the car, there is a lot of spluttering and backfiring happening (the least said about that, the better). My body has become trained to process the good stuff, to draw out nutrition from it and when it is confronted with sugar rich, fat rich foods it tends to go haywire. I know a person who gave up smoking a while back and then had one in a stressful situation and felt sick. It is similar to that.

Wouldn't it be nice if abstinence from sin built up in us an allergy to it and we found it impossible to do? A few weeks self effort and it would be sorted. As it is, the tried and tested method of cying out to God, repenting, receiving forgiveness and daily dying will have to suffice.

Sunday 6 March 2011

Changes

It has often occurred to me how quite a small action can change the course of history. The line between hero and zero is a small one. Gordon Brown's famous "off air" comment about that lady which contributed towards labour losing the election. Would people have felt any differently about it if he had refused to retract what he said and brazened it out (as John Prestcott probably would). After all, he meant it didn't he?

People like myself do not usually consider themselves world changers, we leave it to the front runners, the authority figures to carve out a path, but like a lot of preconceptions this is wrong. The out front leader often has to contend with the drag effect of the people he is trying to lead. This is especially true of the kind of leader who is controlling and interventionist whose specialist manouever is the U turn. The gentle hand on the rudder, the imperceptible movement, the smooth transition the minor intervention is incredible effective.

For those of us who prefer conciliation to confrontation, the danger in the face of a pressing problem is that we do nothing and hope it goes away, or that the blunt instrument specialist leader type will comes in and bash it. Doing nothing is a poor choice, trying to wield the hammer is worse in the the hands of a mild mannered man. Enough people who are committed to bringing about small changes will be more effective and in the long run more fruitful. We cannot avoid those moments of pain when upset is caused to some but we should not see that as a mark of our authority, rather as a necessary bi product of change.

Friday 18 February 2011

Growing old

The person whom we have the best opportunity to observe during the course of our lifetime is of course ourselves. Observing the aging process is fascinating, whilst wrinkles deepen and more and more of us sags there is something else happening inwardly. I think it is in "The Great Divorce" where C.S. Lewis speaks about a person becoming more and more transparent until they disappear altogether and in "Lord of the Rings" Frodo changes each time he uses the power of the ring, more of it and less of him, his own nature becoming more insubstantial.

I can't help feeling that death, was not intended to be sudden but a gradual moving towards another life with our grip on this life more and more tentative, until one day we just let it go and travel on to what awaits us. I always want to be ready because you never know what a day holds. I find upon observing myself that I am nearer to that letting go than I was. Not in a morbid sense but simply that my grip on the world and its ways is less "white knuckle" than it used to be. I am not ready yet to meet my maker. I believe there is more for me to do; but I am on a journey nearer the end now than the beginning.

In the Dylan "covers" album "Down in the Groove" which bombed critically (although I think "90 miles an hour down a dead end street" is a great song) [I took you home from a party and we kissed in fun. A few stolen kisses and no harm was done. Instead of stopping when we could, we just kept right on. Then suddenly we realised that the brakes were gone]. Check it out. Where was I, oh yes. There is a song on there called "Death is not the end". I agree with that.

There is a Christian song called "heaven is better than this". I recall a guy, sadly no longer with us saying "It better be, or I want my money back!"

"I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future". (Martin Luther King).

What I am trying to say in the midst of the self induced distractions is. Growing old is not bad, just different. I quite enjoy watching my passage towards my destination, but I ain't planning an exit any time soon.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Gays

My previous blog on wealth  seemed to invite comment, so at the risk of being controversial I thought I would speak about orientation. I am omitting the obvious word in case all sort of blockers come up.
My Godfather was a clergyman. Some years ago I asked him what his veiws on gays were. He said that he was amazed at the love they seem to have for one another and completlely avoided  speaking about whether it was right or wrong. The background I come from says "the bible says it's wrong so it is sinful to be that way"

That response seems pretty simplistic these days, I have known people who have said things like "just because I am a particular way through no fault of me own, why should I be denied a loving committed relationship like anyone else?" Good question. Should I say "well that's ok but you can forget about God and heaven if you go down that road?" or, "you are deluded, let me pray with you and everything will be ok and you will start fancying the other gender like you should do?" Pretty bigoted.  Can't do it.

I knew a man once who was living with his partner, but occasionally came to our meetings. Not only was he able to worship but it obviously carried life. So it's back to the drawing board for Mr. Conservative Christian flat earther. I do believe what the bible says but it is also true that certain parts of it are used by people with an axe to grind in order to reject those who are different.- "Love the sinner - hate the sin - brother".

One thing I do strongly believe is that the intimate physical side of a relationship takes on a sordid aspect if it is brought out into the open through the media and so on. That is another subject for another time.

I don't want to judge anyone, nether do I want to be a convictionless liberal. Isn't life complicated?

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Rich and Poor

This morning I went to the Birmingham Christian homeless forum. The aim is to report on how christians are tackling homelessness. I came to work afterwards and I was thinking about the difference between the "rich" and the "poor". I thought about the rich person who has maybe never had to work, who lives in a mansion waited upon hand and foot, never having to lift a finger for any task. I think about the poor person who has never had a job,  who is wanting others to do everything for them so they need not go to the bother of looking after themselves. The only difference between these two people is money, dosh, readies. One can finance a life of futile idleness because of available funds, one would if they could but can't.
I believe the government talks about the "deserving poor" i.e. those who have made some kind of effort to get out of their situation. The government is always making distinctions. God makes no distinction, all have sinned and fall short of his glory. Where the poor man has the advantage is that the discontent he feels could lead to heart searching, whereas although it is not impossible for a rich person to find God the chances are slimmer - needle eyed slimmer.

Sunday 6 February 2011

Sunday

Somewhere, there are people all over the Country getting prepared to officiate at various Churches. Millions of other people who are planning to attend have not given much thought to what is going to happen. They have probably given more thought to the cltothes they are going to wear than to any influence they may have spiritually. Many people hoping that they will get God's message across; many more with no anticipation that God may want to speak to them.

Of course this is a generalisation and many others will be full on ready for a day in Church; prayed up, pumped up, supportive, expectant and punctual.

Some Sundays it is my turn to stand at the front, although noy today. I am guilty of leaning back and relaxing when it is not my turn, blissfully unaware that one Sunday, it could be today, that God will speak so powerfully that my world could be changed for ever.

Tuesday 1 February 2011

Just another accident statistic

I had a woman down in Alabama
She was a backwoods girl, but she sure was realistic
She said, “Boy, without a doubt
Have to quit your mess and straighten out
You could die down here, be just another accident statistic”
(Slow train coming -Bob Dylan)
When I think about all the nameless, faceless people who populate the world  (who are not nameless or faceless to some people), I ask myself the question. When does one of those people rise up in myconsciousness as a personality? Is it true that a person can only be a stanger to me in the past, because having met them they can in one sense never be a stranger again, although our acquaintance may be fleeting and shallow.

The difficulties tend to arise a bit nearer to home, when I forget a name I should remember or someone says "remember me?" and I don't. How small my world is! How can I care for people I don't know, love people I have never met when I am struggling with those already in the frame?

The answer is simple. When ever I get the opportunity especially with those closest to me I must surpass myself. How many people are polite to strangers but off hand with those "closest" to them? The acts of grace towards those who I love the most but also who at times frustrate me most, reveal my imperfections most and generally have a well honed skill in pushing all the wrong buttons in me are the acts which must, for me, define real love.
I have often wondered why Jesus only chose 12. Was it because it was all he could cope with or was it because he knew that it was all his disciples could cope with. Folk can be very annoying even if they are in company with the son of God.
Gold is purified in the furnace thereafter it is pure gold. I can love all men because I have been purified in the furnace of close relationships not because I have the spirit of a great benefactor (which I havn't).

Sunday 30 January 2011

Can you forgive me?

I was in a place today where I encountered a person who has not spoken to me for about ten years although we used to be friends. I would not say that I have made any major attempts to effect a reconciliation, however most of the people who fell out with me ten years ago have got over it. This person has not. Although I do not feel that I have hardened my conscience by not seeking a reconciliation more doggedly, I remain quite frustrated that someone with the same beliefs and even the same basic aims as me makes a rapid detour every time they see me coming. Surely this is not the way it should be?

It is not up to me to govern how much forgiveness for my many shortcomings is granted by other people. You can't please all the people all of the time so there could well be a store of  resentments towards me simmering away from various people I have "jiggered" in some way. I don't think about it that much.

Yesterday whilst driving towards Birmingham City Centre, I heard a bang behind me. Two cars, one the inevitable taxi had collided. I was a few yards away by the time it occurred but I wondered for a second if that collision was the result of something I had done. I am sure it was not but there are situations where a vehicle causes a crash and escapes without damage. Just supposing I had done something to cause that prang, how would they have felt about it and would my knowledge of insurance claims kept me from apologising were the opportunity presented to me?

So what do I do? I guess I pray that God speaks to that person who holds the grudge or dissapproval or whatever it is so they feel able to let me off the hook for my past sins. Then maybe they will be able to move on.

Friday 28 January 2011

Dualism

This is not about pistols at 10 paces. I believe it is the theory that we can have two personalities fighting for ascendency within us at any one time. Generally Christians don't believe in it and say that any slip up that occasionally happens is to do with our old nature/ former manner of life habits kicking in rather than two natures coexisting within a person. Some people may call that splitting hairs. The question in Romans chahter 6 "How can we who have died to sin continue to live in it?" is a very good one. People who point to the twin natures theory may well ask: "if God owns your life now (with your consent) how can you still think and do bad stuff?"

Personally I struggle to answer those sort of questions. I don't think I have two personalities cohabiting me body but I do frustrate myself pretty often. Who is frustrating whom?

Thursday 27 January 2011

Out of the heart

Recently one of the people I am involved with through work committed a horrific crime towards another client, under the influence of alcohol with several witnesses there. He faces a long prison sentence. I have interviewed someone who was later convicted of a murder and sentenced to many years in prison. I regularly see people who have served sentences including murderers. Society as a whole sets these people apart as criminals, but how different are they from everyone else? A lot of people who use drink and drugs regularly end up doing bad things because the liberation these things give enables the baser side to take control. Even if actual crimes do not take place people get tipped into a crisis world where things they have done when non compus mentis affect them for ever.
We all have a "bad" side, a sinful side no-one is worthy no-one is good. I guess that some of us stay away from the things that are going to cause a manifestation of our badness to a watching world, that does not make us good. I believe that the only goodness we can have is imparted by God and it is offered to all, the controlled or the addict. In Jesus we have redemption through his blood.

Monday 24 January 2011

Making changes

We are trying to clear our garage/ conservatory at the moment so we can Baptise a few people in there in a few weeks time.We have two garages, one containing the freezers and storage for various dry foods and so on, the other one a dumping ground. What normally happens is that someone is in temporary accommodation and asks us to store their stuff. With the last person it was only for 14 days about 6 months ago. Then when they got into theur own flat they decided they didn't want to keep a lot of the stuff in the Garage. So we had a clearout on Saturday. First we loaded up the car with stuff for the Recycling Centre (or Tip). You can't just take stuff to the recycling centre these days, you have got to give your post code to make sure you are not sneaking in from the wrong area. You can't take stuff unless it's yours, if they find out you are say doing a favour for an old lady, you can get a fine of up to £2000. One would be tempted to fly tip rather than jump through all those hoops. Anyway we got through the Recycling Centre border Guard and managed to empty the car. A substantial amount of decent stuff we put on the front wall with a sign "help yourself" (this included 2 x TV's some speakers, some stools) after only a few minutes two eastern European guys turned up in a white van and took almost all of it. Result.

We are edging nearer to a clear garage, but how long will it last? It's much easier to make changes than maintain them. It's that steel required to say NO to the next "Tobias" (let him who reads understand) who comes along. Failing that we have actually got the use of a friends garage, someone who will never use it so if we really want to help someone out we can.

We can tidy up, but maintaining it is a chore. How long will it be before the creeping furniture takes over again?

Thursday 20 January 2011

Porridge

A friend of mine who served two months at her Majesties pleasure back in the 80's commented to me when he got out that he had made the decision never to eat porridge ever again. Personally I would not have a problem with that, I have never liked the stuff, HOWEVER........... The recent cholesterol aggro (albeit only minor) has brought porridge on to the radar. The fact is, that like most distasteful stuff, it is really good for you, proven to lower cholesterol blah blah. So because I want to carry on being effective as long as I can I have started having porridge for breakfast, pretty much every day. I am afraid I have to sweeten it, but a bowl of porridge gets into my system on a daily basis. Guess what? It is really good for you, gives more energy, makes you feel less hungry during the day and apart from the taste is all round good stuff.
Question: If chocolate was really healthy would anyone eat it?

Monday 17 January 2011

Emotions

I have been thinking about the power of emotions today. It strikes me that for the Christian at least, emotions have received a lot of bad press you've got to keep them under control. Surely not! what we do need to control is the actions that spring out of our emotions (easier said than done!) The emotions themselves are great, God given. look at love, I think that is generally accepted as coming within the emotional spectrum. 1 Corinthians 13, "If I speak with the tongues of men and angels....... and have not love". That bible passage gets turned into some kind of standard by which we judge ourselves; some unattainable goal that we are always going to fall miserably short of. All Paul says is that we need it. He then goes on to describe what love is like (having said that we can do really laudable stuff without it but it don't count).

I have experienced love and loving and it is a very strange feeling having it going on inside of you. That realisation that actually you want that other person to be as happy as they can be and that comes before them belonging to you. Love is not about ownership.

What about all that gut wrenching stuff when you feel like your insides have been transferred into a washing machine that is revolving at a million cycles a minute? Is that Love? dunno.

Friday 14 January 2011

All day meeting

I was at an all day meeting today which involved talking talking and more talking. We are looking to establish a Jesus Centre in Birmingham and there is a lot of ground work to do. Over the last few months phrases such as "business plan" and "design brief" have entered my vocabulary. Of course a Jesus Centre requires strategy and funds so the meeting was about certain trustees testing our metal and scrutinising our plans. It can be tough, especially when your "baby" seems to be following the water down the plughole. But it must be done.

This accountability and strategic approach is so different from the "it'll be alright on the night" attitude that sometimes pervades christianity. You may have read the little book of short stories called "Joan and the Whale" the story about the Christian Airplane (it is American of course), tells how a bloke makes an aeroplane out of cardboard boxes and an old lawnmower engine. Of course it crashes before getting off the ground but the guy says the flight has been a success because the tail which has a large christian fish painted on it can be seen sticking up out of the wreckage. The moral of the story is that you can't get away with being shoddy just because you are a christian.

Why did the Israelites have to go seven times round Jericho or was it thirteen? anyway it was a lot. Imagine after five times they had said, sack this lets give it up? No victory.

I appreciate the fact that expectations are high, that nearly good enough is not nearly good enough. It's a challenge, at times a pain but I don't think I would want it any other way.

Tuesday 11 January 2011

Should we write off those who don't agree with us.?

How do we deal with that person who always throws a spanner in the works, who seems to delight in being different? The full time Devil's advocate who never agrees? The tempatation to slag them off behind thier back is hard to resist and oten we don't manage it.
I oten have to remind myself that God loves everyone therefore he must be able to embrace peoples shortcomings, so in terms of him they are sorted. [Incidently or this year my brother has brought me a prescription to a christian mens magazine called "Sorted" havn't had a copy yet so can't comment on what it is like. Why didn't they call it "Amen only"?] It's in terms of other members of the human race that they are struggling. In the end we have to say "well I accept you but I am afraid I can't work with you", that means these folk are going to be lonely and frustrated. It's people who are prepared to work with the team, however imperfect that are going to be happy and fulfilled.

Saturday 8 January 2011

Destiny

I have not blogged for the last few days because we have been staying with my Mum. It will be five years this year since my Dad died. Now some of his siblings are getting pretty creaky and I would not be surprised of we did not lose  at least one of them this year. These thoughts always lead me to think about the purpose of life, my own mortality and what I have achieved. I don't believe that achievement can always be measured by the enormity of the thing accomplished some of us will not achieve greatness in any outward sense. That is not important. What is important is the attitude with which we do what we do. If I carry a sense that what I am doing fits somehow into a great master plan, it will bring me a sense of fulfillment, no matter how humble a task it is.

Sunday 2 January 2011

The new year

Another year gone by. The last ten years has flown, I remember Christmas day 2000. I had been very low for quite a long time, I was invited to an old lady's house with some other people, some Iranians, some English. Eileen is no longer with us. I felt bad, had lost quite a bit of weight and was not up to socialising. "Casablanca" was on the T.V. and I remember nothing else. I do remember that that was the last time I woke up in the morning feeling that I didn't want to go on. Why it was that day I don't know but from then things began to get better. 2001 was a good year with the start of many new things, possibly the time I really started to become a man (at 48!)

God has been very good to me over the last ten years, I believe that the next ten could be even better and even if they are not, nothing can take away from what has already happened.

2011 is ahead and there is an open door of opportunity. You know that scripture where it says "with God all things are possible"? Our  achievement will not be based on us being spiritual giants but on being positioned "with God". It all starts with him.