Growing old

The person whom we have the best opportunity to observe during the course of our lifetime is of course ourselves. Observing the aging process is fascinating, whilst wrinkles deepen and more and more of us sags there is something else happening inwardly. I think it is in "The Great Divorce" where C.S. Lewis speaks about a person becoming more and more transparent until they disappear altogether and in "Lord of the Rings" Frodo changes each time he uses the power of the ring, more of it and less of him, his own nature becoming more insubstantial.

I can't help feeling that death, was not intended to be sudden but a gradual moving towards another life with our grip on this life more and more tentative, until one day we just let it go and travel on to what awaits us. I always want to be ready because you never know what a day holds. I find upon observing myself that I am nearer to that letting go than I was. Not in a morbid sense but simply that my grip on the world and its ways is less "white knuckle" than it used to be. I am not ready yet to meet my maker. I believe there is more for me to do; but I am on a journey nearer the end now than the beginning.

In the Dylan "covers" album "Down in the Groove" which bombed critically (although I think "90 miles an hour down a dead end street" is a great song) [I took you home from a party and we kissed in fun. A few stolen kisses and no harm was done. Instead of stopping when we could, we just kept right on. Then suddenly we realised that the brakes were gone]. Check it out. Where was I, oh yes. There is a song on there called "Death is not the end". I agree with that.

There is a Christian song called "heaven is better than this". I recall a guy, sadly no longer with us saying "It better be, or I want my money back!"

"I don't know what the future holds but I know who holds the future". (Martin Luther King).

What I am trying to say in the midst of the self induced distractions is. Growing old is not bad, just different. I quite enjoy watching my passage towards my destination, but I ain't planning an exit any time soon.

Gays

My previous blog on wealth  seemed to invite comment, so at the risk of being controversial I thought I would speak about orientation. I am omitting the obvious word in case all sort of blockers come up.
My Godfather was a clergyman. Some years ago I asked him what his veiws on gays were. He said that he was amazed at the love they seem to have for one another and completlely avoided  speaking about whether it was right or wrong. The background I come from says "the bible says it's wrong so it is sinful to be that way"

That response seems pretty simplistic these days, I have known people who have said things like "just because I am a particular way through no fault of me own, why should I be denied a loving committed relationship like anyone else?" Good question. Should I say "well that's ok but you can forget about God and heaven if you go down that road?" or, "you are deluded, let me pray with you and everything will be ok and you will start fancying the other gender like you should do?" Pretty bigoted.  Can't do it.

I knew a man once who was living with his partner, but occasionally came to our meetings. Not only was he able to worship but it obviously carried life. So it's back to the drawing board for Mr. Conservative Christian flat earther. I do believe what the bible says but it is also true that certain parts of it are used by people with an axe to grind in order to reject those who are different.- "Love the sinner - hate the sin - brother".

One thing I do strongly believe is that the intimate physical side of a relationship takes on a sordid aspect if it is brought out into the open through the media and so on. That is another subject for another time.

I don't want to judge anyone, nether do I want to be a convictionless liberal. Isn't life complicated?

Rich and Poor

This morning I went to the Birmingham Christian homeless forum. The aim is to report on how christians are tackling homelessness. I came to work afterwards and I was thinking about the difference between the "rich" and the "poor". I thought about the rich person who has maybe never had to work, who lives in a mansion waited upon hand and foot, never having to lift a finger for any task. I think about the poor person who has never had a job,  who is wanting others to do everything for them so they need not go to the bother of looking after themselves. The only difference between these two people is money, dosh, readies. One can finance a life of futile idleness because of available funds, one would if they could but can't.
I believe the government talks about the "deserving poor" i.e. those who have made some kind of effort to get out of their situation. The government is always making distinctions. God makes no distinction, all have sinned and fall short of his glory. Where the poor man has the advantage is that the discontent he feels could lead to heart searching, whereas although it is not impossible for a rich person to find God the chances are slimmer - needle eyed slimmer.

Sunday

Somewhere, there are people all over the Country getting prepared to officiate at various Churches. Millions of other people who are planning to attend have not given much thought to what is going to happen. They have probably given more thought to the cltothes they are going to wear than to any influence they may have spiritually. Many people hoping that they will get God's message across; many more with no anticipation that God may want to speak to them.

Of course this is a generalisation and many others will be full on ready for a day in Church; prayed up, pumped up, supportive, expectant and punctual.

Some Sundays it is my turn to stand at the front, although noy today. I am guilty of leaning back and relaxing when it is not my turn, blissfully unaware that one Sunday, it could be today, that God will speak so powerfully that my world could be changed for ever.

Just another accident statistic

I had a woman down in Alabama
She was a backwoods girl, but she sure was realistic
She said, “Boy, without a doubt
Have to quit your mess and straighten out
You could die down here, be just another accident statistic”
(Slow train coming -Bob Dylan)
When I think about all the nameless, faceless people who populate the world  (who are not nameless or faceless to some people), I ask myself the question. When does one of those people rise up in myconsciousness as a personality? Is it true that a person can only be a stanger to me in the past, because having met them they can in one sense never be a stranger again, although our acquaintance may be fleeting and shallow.

The difficulties tend to arise a bit nearer to home, when I forget a name I should remember or someone says "remember me?" and I don't. How small my world is! How can I care for people I don't know, love people I have never met when I am struggling with those already in the frame?

The answer is simple. When ever I get the opportunity especially with those closest to me I must surpass myself. How many people are polite to strangers but off hand with those "closest" to them? The acts of grace towards those who I love the most but also who at times frustrate me most, reveal my imperfections most and generally have a well honed skill in pushing all the wrong buttons in me are the acts which must, for me, define real love.
I have often wondered why Jesus only chose 12. Was it because it was all he could cope with or was it because he knew that it was all his disciples could cope with. Folk can be very annoying even if they are in company with the son of God.
Gold is purified in the furnace thereafter it is pure gold. I can love all men because I have been purified in the furnace of close relationships not because I have the spirit of a great benefactor (which I havn't).

Can you forgive me?

I was in a place today where I encountered a person who has not spoken to me for about ten years although we used to be friends. I would not say that I have made any major attempts to effect a reconciliation, however most of the people who fell out with me ten years ago have got over it. This person has not. Although I do not feel that I have hardened my conscience by not seeking a reconciliation more doggedly, I remain quite frustrated that someone with the same beliefs and even the same basic aims as me makes a rapid detour every time they see me coming. Surely this is not the way it should be?

It is not up to me to govern how much forgiveness for my many shortcomings is granted by other people. You can't please all the people all of the time so there could well be a store of  resentments towards me simmering away from various people I have "jiggered" in some way. I don't think about it that much.

Yesterday whilst driving towards Birmingham City Centre, I heard a bang behind me. Two cars, one the inevitable taxi had collided. I was a few yards away by the time it occurred but I wondered for a second if that collision was the result of something I had done. I am sure it was not but there are situations where a vehicle causes a crash and escapes without damage. Just supposing I had done something to cause that prang, how would they have felt about it and would my knowledge of insurance claims kept me from apologising were the opportunity presented to me?

So what do I do? I guess I pray that God speaks to that person who holds the grudge or dissapproval or whatever it is so they feel able to let me off the hook for my past sins. Then maybe they will be able to move on.

Dualism

This is not about pistols at 10 paces. I believe it is the theory that we can have two personalities fighting for ascendency within us at any one time. Generally Christians don't believe in it and say that any slip up that occasionally happens is to do with our old nature/ former manner of life habits kicking in rather than two natures coexisting within a person. Some people may call that splitting hairs. The question in Romans chahter 6 "How can we who have died to sin continue to live in it?" is a very good one. People who point to the twin natures theory may well ask: "if God owns your life now (with your consent) how can you still think and do bad stuff?"

Personally I struggle to answer those sort of questions. I don't think I have two personalities cohabiting me body but I do frustrate myself pretty often. Who is frustrating whom?