Can you forgive me?

I was in a place today where I encountered a person who has not spoken to me for about ten years although we used to be friends. I would not say that I have made any major attempts to effect a reconciliation, however most of the people who fell out with me ten years ago have got over it. This person has not. Although I do not feel that I have hardened my conscience by not seeking a reconciliation more doggedly, I remain quite frustrated that someone with the same beliefs and even the same basic aims as me makes a rapid detour every time they see me coming. Surely this is not the way it should be?

It is not up to me to govern how much forgiveness for my many shortcomings is granted by other people. You can't please all the people all of the time so there could well be a store of  resentments towards me simmering away from various people I have "jiggered" in some way. I don't think about it that much.

Yesterday whilst driving towards Birmingham City Centre, I heard a bang behind me. Two cars, one the inevitable taxi had collided. I was a few yards away by the time it occurred but I wondered for a second if that collision was the result of something I had done. I am sure it was not but there are situations where a vehicle causes a crash and escapes without damage. Just supposing I had done something to cause that prang, how would they have felt about it and would my knowledge of insurance claims kept me from apologising were the opportunity presented to me?

So what do I do? I guess I pray that God speaks to that person who holds the grudge or dissapproval or whatever it is so they feel able to let me off the hook for my past sins. Then maybe they will be able to move on.

Dualism

This is not about pistols at 10 paces. I believe it is the theory that we can have two personalities fighting for ascendency within us at any one time. Generally Christians don't believe in it and say that any slip up that occasionally happens is to do with our old nature/ former manner of life habits kicking in rather than two natures coexisting within a person. Some people may call that splitting hairs. The question in Romans chahter 6 "How can we who have died to sin continue to live in it?" is a very good one. People who point to the twin natures theory may well ask: "if God owns your life now (with your consent) how can you still think and do bad stuff?"

Personally I struggle to answer those sort of questions. I don't think I have two personalities cohabiting me body but I do frustrate myself pretty often. Who is frustrating whom?

Out of the heart

Recently one of the people I am involved with through work committed a horrific crime towards another client, under the influence of alcohol with several witnesses there. He faces a long prison sentence. I have interviewed someone who was later convicted of a murder and sentenced to many years in prison. I regularly see people who have served sentences including murderers. Society as a whole sets these people apart as criminals, but how different are they from everyone else? A lot of people who use drink and drugs regularly end up doing bad things because the liberation these things give enables the baser side to take control. Even if actual crimes do not take place people get tipped into a crisis world where things they have done when non compus mentis affect them for ever.
We all have a "bad" side, a sinful side no-one is worthy no-one is good. I guess that some of us stay away from the things that are going to cause a manifestation of our badness to a watching world, that does not make us good. I believe that the only goodness we can have is imparted by God and it is offered to all, the controlled or the addict. In Jesus we have redemption through his blood.

Making changes

We are trying to clear our garage/ conservatory at the moment so we can Baptise a few people in there in a few weeks time.We have two garages, one containing the freezers and storage for various dry foods and so on, the other one a dumping ground. What normally happens is that someone is in temporary accommodation and asks us to store their stuff. With the last person it was only for 14 days about 6 months ago. Then when they got into theur own flat they decided they didn't want to keep a lot of the stuff in the Garage. So we had a clearout on Saturday. First we loaded up the car with stuff for the Recycling Centre (or Tip). You can't just take stuff to the recycling centre these days, you have got to give your post code to make sure you are not sneaking in from the wrong area. You can't take stuff unless it's yours, if they find out you are say doing a favour for an old lady, you can get a fine of up to £2000. One would be tempted to fly tip rather than jump through all those hoops. Anyway we got through the Recycling Centre border Guard and managed to empty the car. A substantial amount of decent stuff we put on the front wall with a sign "help yourself" (this included 2 x TV's some speakers, some stools) after only a few minutes two eastern European guys turned up in a white van and took almost all of it. Result.

We are edging nearer to a clear garage, but how long will it last? It's much easier to make changes than maintain them. It's that steel required to say NO to the next "Tobias" (let him who reads understand) who comes along. Failing that we have actually got the use of a friends garage, someone who will never use it so if we really want to help someone out we can.

We can tidy up, but maintaining it is a chore. How long will it be before the creeping furniture takes over again?

Porridge

A friend of mine who served two months at her Majesties pleasure back in the 80's commented to me when he got out that he had made the decision never to eat porridge ever again. Personally I would not have a problem with that, I have never liked the stuff, HOWEVER........... The recent cholesterol aggro (albeit only minor) has brought porridge on to the radar. The fact is, that like most distasteful stuff, it is really good for you, proven to lower cholesterol blah blah. So because I want to carry on being effective as long as I can I have started having porridge for breakfast, pretty much every day. I am afraid I have to sweeten it, but a bowl of porridge gets into my system on a daily basis. Guess what? It is really good for you, gives more energy, makes you feel less hungry during the day and apart from the taste is all round good stuff.
Question: If chocolate was really healthy would anyone eat it?

Emotions

I have been thinking about the power of emotions today. It strikes me that for the Christian at least, emotions have received a lot of bad press you've got to keep them under control. Surely not! what we do need to control is the actions that spring out of our emotions (easier said than done!) The emotions themselves are great, God given. look at love, I think that is generally accepted as coming within the emotional spectrum. 1 Corinthians 13, "If I speak with the tongues of men and angels....... and have not love". That bible passage gets turned into some kind of standard by which we judge ourselves; some unattainable goal that we are always going to fall miserably short of. All Paul says is that we need it. He then goes on to describe what love is like (having said that we can do really laudable stuff without it but it don't count).

I have experienced love and loving and it is a very strange feeling having it going on inside of you. That realisation that actually you want that other person to be as happy as they can be and that comes before them belonging to you. Love is not about ownership.

What about all that gut wrenching stuff when you feel like your insides have been transferred into a washing machine that is revolving at a million cycles a minute? Is that Love? dunno.

All day meeting

I was at an all day meeting today which involved talking talking and more talking. We are looking to establish a Jesus Centre in Birmingham and there is a lot of ground work to do. Over the last few months phrases such as "business plan" and "design brief" have entered my vocabulary. Of course a Jesus Centre requires strategy and funds so the meeting was about certain trustees testing our metal and scrutinising our plans. It can be tough, especially when your "baby" seems to be following the water down the plughole. But it must be done.

This accountability and strategic approach is so different from the "it'll be alright on the night" attitude that sometimes pervades christianity. You may have read the little book of short stories called "Joan and the Whale" the story about the Christian Airplane (it is American of course), tells how a bloke makes an aeroplane out of cardboard boxes and an old lawnmower engine. Of course it crashes before getting off the ground but the guy says the flight has been a success because the tail which has a large christian fish painted on it can be seen sticking up out of the wreckage. The moral of the story is that you can't get away with being shoddy just because you are a christian.

Why did the Israelites have to go seven times round Jericho or was it thirteen? anyway it was a lot. Imagine after five times they had said, sack this lets give it up? No victory.

I appreciate the fact that expectations are high, that nearly good enough is not nearly good enough. It's a challenge, at times a pain but I don't think I would want it any other way.

Should we write off those who don't agree with us.?

How do we deal with that person who always throws a spanner in the works, who seems to delight in being different? The full time Devil's advocate who never agrees? The tempatation to slag them off behind thier back is hard to resist and oten we don't manage it.
I oten have to remind myself that God loves everyone therefore he must be able to embrace peoples shortcomings, so in terms of him they are sorted. [Incidently or this year my brother has brought me a prescription to a christian mens magazine called "Sorted" havn't had a copy yet so can't comment on what it is like. Why didn't they call it "Amen only"?] It's in terms of other members of the human race that they are struggling. In the end we have to say "well I accept you but I am afraid I can't work with you", that means these folk are going to be lonely and frustrated. It's people who are prepared to work with the team, however imperfect that are going to be happy and fulfilled.

Destiny

I have not blogged for the last few days because we have been staying with my Mum. It will be five years this year since my Dad died. Now some of his siblings are getting pretty creaky and I would not be surprised of we did not lose  at least one of them this year. These thoughts always lead me to think about the purpose of life, my own mortality and what I have achieved. I don't believe that achievement can always be measured by the enormity of the thing accomplished some of us will not achieve greatness in any outward sense. That is not important. What is important is the attitude with which we do what we do. If I carry a sense that what I am doing fits somehow into a great master plan, it will bring me a sense of fulfillment, no matter how humble a task it is.

The new year

Another year gone by. The last ten years has flown, I remember Christmas day 2000. I had been very low for quite a long time, I was invited to an old lady's house with some other people, some Iranians, some English. Eileen is no longer with us. I felt bad, had lost quite a bit of weight and was not up to socialising. "Casablanca" was on the T.V. and I remember nothing else. I do remember that that was the last time I woke up in the morning feeling that I didn't want to go on. Why it was that day I don't know but from then things began to get better. 2001 was a good year with the start of many new things, possibly the time I really started to become a man (at 48!)

God has been very good to me over the last ten years, I believe that the next ten could be even better and even if they are not, nothing can take away from what has already happened.

2011 is ahead and there is an open door of opportunity. You know that scripture where it says "with God all things are possible"? Our  achievement will not be based on us being spiritual giants but on being positioned "with God". It all starts with him.